(Italics = Spoken)
EVELYN
This is a big birthday for Patrick, Courtney, so thank you for helping me co-host.
COURTNEY
Anything for you, Evelyn. You look to die for.
EVELYN
Thank you, Courtney.
I want blackened shark,
Mahi Mahi.
Works so well
With Isaac Mizrahi
COURTNEY
I'll have soda,
and creme de menthe.
Tastes so good
with Oscar de la Renta.
EVELYN
The ginger mango soy black bass
Complements the beige Bill Blass
I will not touch
a drop of red wine.
BOTH
Don't wanna ruin the Calvin Klein.
CHORUS
Chanel, Gaultier, or Giorgio Armani
Moschino, Alia or Norma Kamali
Should I rock
the Betsey Johnson
Or stick with classic
Comme des Garcon
No Parachute
Or Fiorucci
I'm with Prada
I'm with Gucci
When one goes shopping
It's best to take care
As some of us know
You are what you wear.
EVELYN
I will try on
These Maud Frizon
COURTNEY
I think I'll go
To Ferragamo
EVELYN
I don't know if
I don't know if
I'm such a fan
Of your purple suede Charles Jourdan.
BOTH
But let's be clear,
There's nothing ironic.
About our love of Manolo Blahnik.
No, there's nothing
Remotely ironic
About our love of
Manolo Blahnik
CHORUS
Chanel, Gaultier, or Giorgio Armani
Moschino, Alia or Norma Kamali
Should I rock
The Betsey Johnson
Or stick with classic
Comme des Garcon
In a certain kind of neighbourhood
You might get away with Vivian Westwood
But by von Furstenberg we swear
It's a wrap
You are what you wear.
EVELYN
Hello?
JEAN
Hi, Evelyn? I have Patrick for you.
EVELYN
Patrick, are you getting excited, Birthday boy? Now, listen, your brother and mother are already here - she won't take off her sunglasses, she refuses to say anything - I'm worried she hates me, Patrick.
PATRICK BATEMAN
No, she doesn't, she's just heavily medicated. Listen, can we add Paul Owen to the mix?
EVELYN
What? Add who?
PATRICK
Paul. Owen. Read my lips: it's for work.
EVELYN
No, you are not screwing up my dinner party with your latest neurotic obsession.
PATRICK
He's coming, Evelyn! I invited him, it's my birthday dinner.
EVELYN
I will not have an odd number at my table, Patrick! This isn't Brooklyn!
PATRICK
Well, invite someone else. Can't Courtney bring Louis?
COURTNEY
Louis is flying back from Phoenix tonight.
EVELYN
Louis is unavailable.
PATRICK
Fuck sake, Evelyn, it doesn't matter. I'll bring Jean. Jean, are you still on the line?
JEAN
I am.
PATRICK
So, do you have plans tonight?
JEAN
No, nothing I couldn't change, but Patrick, look, I -
PATRICK
Perfect, then you'll come to Evelyn's.
JEAN
What do I wear?
PATRICK
What you have on is... acceptable.
JEAN
What am I supposed to do?
PATRICK
Simple recon, Jean. Find out how a douchebag like Paul Owen managed to score the Fischer account.
CHORUS
Chanel, Gaultier, or Giorgio Armani
Moschino, Alia, or Norma Kamali
Should I rock
The Betsey Johnson
Or stick with classic
Comme des Garcon
No Parachute
Or Fiorucci
I'm with Prada
I'm with Gucci
Missoni, Versace,
which one is best?
The guys just buzzed,
do I look underdressed?
