"You Are What You Wear" Lyrics from American Psycho the Musical (Original London Production)

(Italics = Spoken)

EVELYN

This is a big birthday for Patrick, Courtney, so thank you for helping me co-host.

COURTNEY

Anything for you, Evelyn. You look to die for.

EVELYN

Thank you, Courtney.

I want blackened shark,

Mahi Mahi.

Works so well

With Isaac Mizrahi

COURTNEY

I'll have soda,

and creme de menthe.

Tastes so good

with Oscar de la Renta.

EVELYN

The ginger mango soy black bass

Complements the beige Bill Blass

I will not touch

a drop of red wine.

BOTH

Don't wanna ruin the Calvin Klein.

CHORUS

Chanel, Gaultier, or Giorgio Armani

Moschino, Alia or Norma Kamali

Should I rock

the Betsey Johnson

Or stick with classic

Comme des Garcon

No Parachute

Or Fiorucci

I'm with Prada

I'm with Gucci

When one goes shopping

It's best to take care

As some of us know

You are what you wear.

EVELYN

I will try on

These Maud Frizon

COURTNEY

I think I'll go

To Ferragamo

EVELYN
I don't know if

I'm such a fan

Of your purple suede Charles Jourdan.

BOTH
But let's be clear,

There's nothing ironic.

About our love of Manolo Blahnik.

No, there's nothing

Remotely ironic

About our love of

Manolo Blahnik

CHORUS

Chanel, Gaultier, or Giorgio Armani

Moschino, Alia or Norma Kamali

Should I rock

The Betsey Johnson

Or stick with classic

Comme des Garcon

In a certain kind of neighbourhood

You might get away with Vivian Westwood

But by von Furstenberg we swear

It's a wrap

You are what you wear.

EVELYN

Hello?

JEAN

Hi, Evelyn? I have Patrick for you.

EVELYN

Patrick, are you getting excited, Birthday boy? Now, listen, your brother and mother are already here - she won't take off her sunglasses, she refuses to say anything - I'm worried she hates me, Patrick.

PATRICK BATEMAN

 No, she doesn't, she's just heavily medicated. Listen, can we add Paul Owen to the mix?

EVELYN

What? Add who?

PATRICK

Paul. Owen. Read my lips: it's for work.

EVELYN

No, you are not screwing up my dinner party with your latest neurotic obsession.

PATRICK

He's coming, Evelyn! I invited him, it's my birthday dinner.

EVELYN

I will not have an odd number at my table, Patrick! This isn't Brooklyn!

PATRICK

Well, invite someone else. Can't Courtney bring Louis?

COURTNEY

Louis is flying back from Phoenix tonight.

EVELYN

Louis is unavailable.

PATRICK

Fuck sake, Evelyn, it doesn't matter. I'll bring Jean. Jean, are you still on the line?

JEAN

I am.

PATRICK

So, do you have plans tonight?

JEAN

No, nothing I couldn't change, but Patrick, look, I -

PATRICK

Perfect, then you'll come to Evelyn's.

JEAN

What do I wear?

PATRICK

What you have on is... acceptable.

JEAN

What am I supposed to do?

PATRICK

Simple recon, Jean. Find out how a douchebag like Paul Owen managed to score the Fischer account.

CHORUS

Chanel, Gaultier, or Giorgio Armani

Moschino, Alia, or Norma Kamali

Should I rock

The Betsey Johnson

Or stick with classic

Comme des Garcon

No Parachute

Or Fiorucci

I'm with Prada

I'm with Gucci

Missoni, Versace,

which one is best?

The guys just buzzed,

do I look underdressed?